When saying Yes means Saying No!

Many of us struggle to say “no” in our lives.  There are so many thinks we want to do, we are supposed to do, and we need to do.  I personally struggle with this like everyone else.  Since my practice comes from the appreciative model of coaching, we try to focus on the positive and what we want MORE of in our lives.  Well how do we get MORE when we are already full?
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First, personally, I no longer say, “Yes!” to events, projects, or requests that I know that I won’t enjoy or are not fulfilling for me.  It is easy to fall into the martyr role or the victim/rescuer/persecutor triangle.  If I really look at why I am spending time on an activity and it is as one these roles then I am not living my best, most balanced life with good boundaries. I will share more about this drama triangle on another post but here is a quick example.  If I have a volunteer opportunity that I know I’d be good at, and they need my skills or help, and they might not survive without me; then I am falling into the rescuer role and may end up feeling the victim as if I had no choice but to volunteer.  If choose to do it because I want to or will be fulfilled by the roll then it that is good way to possibly spend my time.  But it isn’t a healthy dynamic for myself (and the group) if I was guilted or pressured into it.  This can be a difficult exercise but one worth doing.  Once we have looked at our motivations and we have considered weeding out those commitments that no longer seem to fit us, then we come to the question of, what do we want more of!? 

Here is my tip for you!  Don’t think of it is as saying, “No.”  Think of it as saying, “Yes!”  Over the years I have learned a lot about myself, and you have learned a lot about yourself, which is why in my health practice we say, “You are the expert on You!”  One thing I know about myself is that my love language is quality time.  In our busy, high-paced life, time is at a premium so how do I get my quality time?  For me knowing that about myself helps me see the Yes/No dilemma in a different way.  When I say, “No” to getting together with a professional group I enjoy, I am saying, “Yes” to an evening spent with my family or an evening of much needed downtime!  Can you see situations in your life where saying, “No” is actually saying “Yes?”

Now the scenarios I shared might be different than yours, but I am guessing some of you might resonate with the similar challenges.  Some of you might not be sure how you truly want to spend your time?  If you are unsure, I would be happy to go through a values alignment exercise with you as part of your health coaching journey.  Or if you are needing help deciding what you want MORE of and how to make changes in your life to get it, reach out and set up a Get to Know You free consultation so that we can Get Started!
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You can also join me for a free Agenda Mapping Session on October 10th to begin to map the changes you want for your life! 

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